I went for a 10k run this morning shortly after reading Peter Brown's comment on my last post and thought about what he wrote. As I'm pushing hard past the 8k point and the lactic acid is building I wondered why do I run like this? It hurts!
It also feels great at the same time. I do it again and again.
Something beyond my comprehension and beyond me, compels me to make drawings. To create works of art. That is what they are... work! Hard and sometimes emotionally painful labor. Sometimes tranquil and calming. It's the compulsion to do this that makes me feel uncomfortable. Many artists I've read about and talked with have shared similar feelings. Some of the greatest are tormented and driven to madness! Or are they driven BY madness? Hmmm.
I'm usually in complete command of works in progress and I enjoy the process. I felt threatened when this piece was getting the best of me and I reacted accordingly. That is not to say I wasn't enjoying the challenge of it. It might not have been comfortable but I definitely felt on the edge of my ability and very alive! Thinking back on why I tried this whole experiment in the first place I remember accepting the fact that I could loose control and that is what made it exciting.
It's all about the yin yang balance of control and loosing it I guess. The battle between darkness and light, between sitting on the porch with a beer or going for a hard run.
2 comments:
My psychologist partner Sandi often reminds me (more so lately!) how important it is to sit on the porch with a beer after a hard run - metaphorically speaking. She's drawing my attention to the fact that there needs to be room in my life for both, and that whatever hurdles my art presents me with or how hard I have to work at it, it shouldn't colour all aspects of my daily life. All artists should have a "shrink" in their lives!
In every sense - from the micro to the macro - it pays to think of balance as something requiring unwavering awareness and constant adjustment.
Now that is sound advice, have her send me a bill.
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